Before I Had a Seven Year Old: Kathryn of Team Whitaker

10 September 2014

We're back for another installment of Before I Had a Seven Year Old - my series where moms of slightly older kids talk about their experiences as mothers of only littles. Today we get to hear from Kathryn of Team Whitaker. Most of you will already be familiar with her, but for those who aren't you should check out her posts on surviving the NICU with their fifth child. If you like Before and Afters (cough...Jessie) then you can glut yourself here. Or perhaps be inspired by some of her organizational tips. I'm very excited to have Kathryn with us today!!   
How many kids do you have and how old are they? 
I have six great kids, Will (13), John Paul (10), Anna-Laura (9), Clare (7), Luke (4) and Gianna (4 months).

What are the biggest differences in your home life now that you have slightly biggers running around and not just really littles? 
Helpers! And, a serious amount of carpool. Instead of me having to wipe all the hineys, fix all the meals, fold all the laundry, dress all the people and assist with all the homework, I now have some fantastic assistants. In the early days I remember falling into bed exhausted from all the things I did throughout the day. I felt so very isolated when my husband went off to work. Seeing friends was so difficult back then. It felt like such a chore to get everyone up, ready and out the door. Now, even though we have an army of kids, I now have an army of helpers which makes all the difference. We spend a decent amount of time in the van heading to different activities and while it's mostly great, we call it our other house. My kids even suggested, "Hey Mom, if we got a bathroom in here, it would be perfect." Yeah, that and a vacuum cleaner. Oh, and we have lots more birthdays, but that's okay, because you've never met a bigger fan of birthdays than me. True story.
What's something you miss about that stage of only really littles? 
I miss the simplicity. While we try to do activities together as a family, like 4-H, my kids have varied interests and activities. As they get older, that translates to more schoolwork, more extracurriculars and more places to be. We really rein in a great deal and say no to lots of things, but we're still busy. That's life. Back before any of our kids made First Communion, life was just simpler. There was no eating in dinner shifts to accommodate things like baseball practice. We also had everyone in bed by 7:30 and the rest of the evening to ourselves. WHAT? I don't even know what that life is like anymore. But, BUT I do so love this season of parenthood. My kids are growing up and the conversations we're having are priceless. I mean, when my oldest asked why we don't eat at Hooters, our conversation ended with him saying, "When I am President, I will shut down all the Hooters!" Will for President 2044.

What are some things you did with your first baby that in hindsight seem a little ridiculous? 
Oh man, this is a good one. Wasn't everything we did ridiculous? My diaper bag was a backpack and carried twelve diapers, four outfits, a shirt for me, two packages of wipes and a half dozen toys. Now, I'm lucky to walk out the door with my driver's license. Naptime was quite the 45-minute production. Who was that Kathryn because she had WAY too much time on her hands! Now, it's a "It's naptime!" followed by a kiss and hug and a walk out the door. Bottom line? I just over-thought everything. I just don't him time to over-think things now!

What's one specific thing you're glad that you've taught your older children? 
Be a problem-solver. In the early days, when a fight would erupt, I was quick to solve the problem, figure out who the instigator was and then enforce discipline. Now, unless it involves blood or bullying, my standard response is, "Well, you should probably go talk to {insert sibling name here} and work it out." We're big advocates of teaching our kids how to work things out themselves. When they ask or if they're stuck on a solution, we give them some options to choose from to mediate the situation, letting them come to some natural and logical conclusions on their own. WARNING: This is not something you teach overnight, nor in the produce aisle at HEB. It takes time and a healthy dose of patience, but it will pay dividends in the future.
How did you build community for yourself and for your family? 
For everything in parenthood, there is a season. Early on, I assumed that friends I made when my first-born was little would be my friends for life. And, while some of them have remained close, I neglected to consider that my kids would grow and change (as would I) and it wouldn't necessarily be the same growth as those friends. AND THAT'S OKAY. I'm a firm believer that God puts different people into your life during different seasons. Our charge is to choose those that build us up rather than those that tear us down. You have to walk away from the toxic and drama-filled relationships and invest your time into those that nurture your spirituality and bring you closer to Christ. I've found great community in our neighborhood, our parish and through our kids' activities. Not all our friends are Catholic, but they are loving people who want the best for their kids. We never hide our faith, but we don't discriminate our friends because of it.
What was your hardest transition after having a newborn? 0 to 1 kid? 1 to 2? 6 to 7? Why? 
That's an easy one, 1 to 2. With one, while there was definitely some major role shifting and I left my full-time job in the communications field, we had an awesome community at our church and neighborhood. That made all the difference. With the second baby, we had just made a major move, I didn't know many folks and he was such a hard baby - colic and reflux. It was brutal. I remember sitting on the couch one afternoon when he was just a few weeks old. I looked at my husband with tear-filled eyes and said, "I cannot have anymore children. I can't." Aaaand, now we have six kids. Proof that you should never make big life decisions when you're sleep-deprived. Kid 4 to 5 was probably the most drama-filled, but primarily because he was a preemie. Another blog post, another day on that one.

If you could go back and tell something to your new mom self, what would it be? 
Listen to all the advice and only practice about 10% of it. Whether you breast or bottle-feed, choose cloth or disposable, co-sleep or not, start solids at 6 months or later, use baby sign language or choose public/private over homeschool - NONE of it matters. Really and truly, it doesn't. As my mom reminded me many years ago and a Bishop we love is known for saying, "you'll bloom where you're planted." Focus on the big things, how your family practices its faith, how you instill self-worth and love within your children, how you practice charity and stewardship - THOSE matter. And, stand your ground on the things you're passionate about. Don't cave just because it's your best friend or a mom or mother-in-law who questions your choice. Always lean on your husband and make choices that are best for your family. Give it all you have and when you're tapped out, coast on God.

Thank you so much to Kathryn! And if you want to check out more moms of older kids throwing back to their early years VISIT HERE.

19 comments :

  1. I'm keeping the answers to these questions forever - I had forgotten these life lessons and I'm so glad you asked! Great series, Kate.

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  2. I love this series Kate! Thanks for doing it and passing along the encouragement.

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  3. I love this! I feel like I could have written it...We have 5 kids very close to the ages of kathryn's first 5 (we don't have a baby right now) and I LOVE the time right now as a parent. My older three are pretty much self-sufficient in the dressing, eating, doing homework, well, in everything...and I'm more of an advisor or there to provide guidance. We encourage the kids to work it out, too, because I just don't have time to work out all the spats anyway. My younger two are getting closer every day to the full self-sufficiency and I can have conversations with them and they blow my mind!! Of course, the activities are what drown us, too, and we say NO to a lot of things, but they gotta do something and when there are 5 of them -- I guess it's just part of the deal! Great post and thanks for sharing!

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  4. Oh the things I would go back and tell my young momself… but I know she wouldn't listen. Stubborn, hardheaded fool. She just has to learn for herself. Hopefully her children will learn from her mistakes. This was a great interview and pretty much my experience too even though my kids are a little older. It just keeps getting better and better. But I totally challenge Kathryn on her birthday love fanaticism. I'm pretty sure we can rival that.

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    1. Oh I like a challenge. Birthdays are my love language. Good to know there's someone else out there who speaks it!

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    2. Yay for birthdays! I actually had a conversation OUT LOUD with my husband about how, it was okay with me if we were going to have all these kids, but I NEEDED to be able to make them all birthday cakes from scratch. THAT was my one non-negotiable.

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    3. HA! I love it. Before every birthday my husband just looks at me and says, "What do you need me to build?" Long live the joy of birthdays.

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    4. "Birthdays are my love language." I love that! My favorites are the really creative, unique ones. We just did a Red Knit Cap Girl birthday party for my youngest that the author of the books loved so much she featured it on her blog. It is so much fun to hear my kids discuss what "theme" they should choose next!

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  5. This series is awesome! I have such a hard time finding friends with older kids to ask questions about life as they grow. I love your advice about having them work out the problems, but not in the grocery store...if that's a true story please share! :) I can't imagine how life will change as they get bigger...

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    1. It was an ugly, ugly scene in meats, then produce, Colleen. By the time we hit dairy, a nice lady said, "Maybe today isn't your shopping day." PREACH.

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  6. Kathryn is just one of my favorites. Such a great series, Kate!

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  7. I just kept finding myself saying over and over again, "They . . . are . . . the cutest . . . ." Great advice. Loving this series.

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  8. I am not looking forward to the carpooling season! When we go somewhere in the afternoon nowadays it's because mama decided we need to kill some time at Target or World Market :)

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    1. The upside to carpool is the great, great conversations. I'm really going to miss those front seat discussions in a few years.

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